[.UnsurE.]

Wow, it really has been a while since I have blogged. I lost the net on my laptop, so I currently am FIGHTING for internet time in this house, lol.
I'm so unsure of things atm. Everything was looking up, I was happy...with everything. Except that my mum doesnt like the decisions I have made. She lost it last night, and went crazy...it hurt me so so much. Then this morning she gave me an 'ultimatum', that I can either choose between a guy I really care about, or my family. It hurts me so much to hear her tell me that.
I am here at home, time is going so slow...just so many thoughts going through my mind as I wait for her to come home and ask me what decision I have made.
I honestly cannot stand her atm, for putting me in such an awkward place.
Its not fair :(.

[.Rain_raiN_and_MORE_RaiN.]

So I have pretty much stuffed my shoulder while at work. Which sucks, I have discovered that a shoulder injury completely alters your life while you have it.

I can't work properly - I am limited in what I can do at work, and frankly, half the time I feel useless even being there.

I can't sleep. Its 1.25am, its raining, my shoulder hurts, I am EXHAUSTED! Because I have been awake till the early hours of the morning - or late as in yesterday (5.30 and I had to wake up for work at 7.30.) all bloody week.

I think my pain killers are changing everything. I don't sleep...I have NO appetite, so I'm not even eating properly. And to make matters even worse, I have sever burns on my shoulder due to leaving an 8 hr heat patch on for 12hrs - totally forgot it was on...won't ever forget again!

And its raining..makes it a hell of alot harder to sleep...as if it wasnt hard enough already!

I want to talk to someone...atleast then I wont be laying in bed, wishing I could sleep...in complete silence. It wouldnt be as hard on my mind. The guy I like, he said I could ring if I got bored - he has been keeping me company over the phone cause I cant sleep - but I would feel terrible if he has fallen asleep and I woke him.

So I guess I am doomed to eternal boredom while trying to get to sleep through all the factors that dont seem to what that to happen.

Sorry...Feel too bad to call the guy at this hour...and i needed to vent!

If you get bored in an elevator...

When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

Hold the doors open and say your saiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.

Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"

I see pigs flying! Look - Over there!!!

Yeah, that title has NOTHING to do with what I'm blogging about, lol.

I have been rather confused lately.
I came out of an almost 4 year relationship at the end of October last year. Up until recently I have had no interest in any one of the opposite sex since. I also felt it was unfair to even think about having another relationship because I still had feelings for my ex.
But now I am unsure. I really like a guy that I work with, and apparently he likes me too.
ergh...confused!

What do you do...

...when you have to be somewhere you cannot stand.

When you hate someone so much that you cannot stand to be in their presence any longer, but you cannot leave.

I don't know what to do. I have put up with being treated like nothing for so long, and watching people i care about being yelled at for nothing for so long. But I have not acheived something that I must acheive...and therefore I cannot leave. I have no choice but to stay.

So You Think You Can Dance Australia

I got onto a video on the SYTYCD Aust. website :D yay!

This is the LINK:
http://dance.ten.com.au/video.htm?vxSiteId=4615e8c0-9b27-4d1c-aa16-eca5e7b093d7&vxChannel=Dance%20Extras&vxClipId=2305_sytycd_kate_101108&vxBitrate=300&vxClickToPlay=false

When the judges walk through the crowd of dancers, I'm the one in between Matt and Bonnie, in the purple jacket and the blue top!

So happy!

Dancing around an empty house...

...sadly, that is exactly what I was doing proir to turning on the computer.

I have decided I'm going to create a little book of happiness...with happiness being the goal. I just need a glue stick...lol. You think I can find one in this massive house full of crap? Ofcourse not, that would be helpful. I am covering it with a picture from a magazine which is entirely filled with gummi bears.

Cause nothing says happiness more than gummi bears.

I'm just so confused with my life at the moment.
I'm not sure exactly what I want in life. I'm not going to TAFE this year...I'm disappointed, but I am not 100% sure if it will get me exactly where I want, I know it used to be what I wanted. I am having problems with my workmates. And I am still in love with the one person I cannot have.

Life is so complex...confusing.

So in the mean time, until I figure everything out...I am going to go back to dancing through my empty house :D.

My Story - EMT 2005 - A Salute To Australia

In February 2005, the Edinburgh Military Tattoo left Scotland for the second time in its 54-year history, and made its way to Sydney, Australia. Over 1,300 performers would perform to 160,000 spectators over 5 nights at Sydney's Aussie Stadium, where a dramatic replica backdrop of Edinburgh Castle was build to help capture the essential magic of the Edinburgh Military Tattoo.


For this once in a lifetime event, 170 highland dancers were to perform, 20 were from Scotland and 150 were from Australia. I was lucky enough to be chosen as one of those 150 dancers, accompanied by four of the dancers from my studio. Our rehearsals started on the 29th of January, we arrived at Sydney University and were told that to succeed at the tattoo we must always be focused, committed and disciplined. Mrs. Cheryl Roach and Mr. Billy Forsyth were the choreographers who would be taking us through the Australian Tattoo and for five long days we rehearsed 3 times a day for 3 hours at a time with them. It was a long process to learn all the steps and sequences while continuously being told 'You're going to be standing with the army! Make sure your lines are straight!'


Eventually we made it to the 2nd of February, our second dress rehearsal, and our first performance with an audience. Anxiously I waited out in the Sydney Cricket Ground, reviewing the steps, making sure that the last 5 days of practice was not a waste of time. Eventually 8pm arrived, we all heard 5 cannons, and the dress rehearsal had commenced. It seemed such a long time before we were told to leave the SCG and make out way for the back of the Castle, we all walked up in our lines while hearing 'Austin Powers' being played by the New Zealand Army Band. Soon after that, the Queens Colour Squadron took to the spotlight and performed their Specialist Drill Display, while the massed dancers made their way to the arches of the castle.
The lights went dark after the departure of the Queens Colour Squadron; it was our time to perform. The music started as we begun to make our way to the field, heads low, moving in the dim light listening to the voice informing the audience that we were under the direction of Billy Forsyth, Former World Champion. The drums started and we all turned to face our audience, one row at a time. The calm voice that was once dictating to the audience suddenly rose to introduce 'The OzScot Highland Ceilidh Dancers!' The lights suddenly came on, and we could all now see our audience. This was the best moment of the whole tattoo; the smile never once left my face. The adrenaline pumped quickly as I danced in front of 30,000 people without ever thinking about what I was doing, knowing very well that I knew the dance, and that I should just enjoy that moment, and cherish it.


I couldn't believe how spectacular it felt to dance in front of an audience that big! That was only the dress rehearsal! The following 5 nights we performed that same dance, in front of a new audience and enjoyed every minute of it.


I will never forget the feeling that went through me on the 2nd of February 2005 as I performed in front of the biggest crowd I could have ever imagined. The significance of this event to me is that it is unlikely that I will ever perform in front of 30,000 people at one time again. I was only 15 at the time, but this was an experience that will never be forgotten. When the Edinburgh Military Tattoo performed in Australia at Aussie Stadium, only the second time the tattoo had ever left Scotland in its 54-year history, and I was a part of it. Being a part of this performance taught me a few things, one being that you should cherish every great moment that you receive in your life, don't forget them, and the second being that if you want to achieve something, you must be focused, committed and disciplined; or you will never reach your goal.

On Your Marks....Get Set...BLOG!!!

So yeah, I now have a blog...but this time I am actually going to use it, lol. Not like the last one ;).

I don't exactly expect anyone to read this, but if anyone does, I feel the need to apologise in advance for the chronic boredom that may be experienced.

This blog may be hazardous to your health!

So I don't really know what to put into this thrilling first blog of mine, as my life is rather uneventful. I went to the soccer trials for my brothers team today...and missed my dance class because both mum and I thought the class started later than it really did. I was pumped for dancing and everything, lol.

So holidays are over. School has started again...not for me :D, but for my siblings anyway. Holidays were mostly spent at home or at work. This month I did three Robbie Burns nights, which was great, and the money I raised is really helping to save up for my trip to Scotland in August.

Anyway, its getting late, I have nothing to talk about, and I have to get up early to walk siblings to school (*yay, excitement!*).
Hope I didn't bore anyone to death...I only just avoided it myself.